The day the UPS Maam cried....

My journey continues, but it seems at a snails pace.  My weight hasn't changed much, with the exception of the same 4-5 lbs lost only to be regained.  I was still at the gym every week day and working with my trainer one to two times a week.  I have been watching my food intake and still, I sit at this plateau.  One thing I noticed was that I was getting stronger, even if the pounds didn't melt away, and even if my my body wasn't getting noticeable smaller, I could feel myself getting stronger.  I decided halfheartedly to forge on.  Hoping that in time, the fat would just fall off. 

At home, issues that I had been avoiding to deal with were no longer able to be brushed aside.  Mainly, financial.  We live paycheck to paycheck, and disconnect notice to disconnect notice.  I hated driving up to the house to find a hanger on the door telling me I had 48 hours to scrap enough money together to pay or have it shut off.  Days when we had very little food in the house for dinner, days when we couldn't put gas in the car.  As hard as we try, we just couldn't get a head.  Frustration, depression, despair.......I knew I had to get a job but as much as I wanted help out I was SO afraid that if I quit my daily exercise to work, I would gain all the weight back.  I began to look for jobs and mainly jobs that would keep me moving all day.  Luckily and long story short I found an ad for UPS seasonal "Helpers".  Seriously, I was so excited, this was PERFECT to earn money and exercise.  I applied and was hired.  One of the things they asked in the interview was can you lift 70lbs.  My reply was, sure.  I've lost 85+ pounds, I'm sure I can lift 70. I was totally lying.  I didn't know if I could lift that much, but desperate to work.  I started the next week. 

How many of you have lifted 70 lbs, and carried it?  It's a lot. 

Then the day came. 

My driver hands me the box out of the big brown UPS truck.  He says it's 67lbs, do you need help.  I quickly said no, not wanting to be thought of as the weak girl he was stuck with.  I lifted the 67 lb box that I could hardly get my arms around, and it was heavy but not bad.  I walked the 20 or so feet to the stairs then slowly carried that heavy and symbolic box up 10 stairs.........and I did it alone, with only my strength.  As I set it down beside the door and knocked for the owners to come get it, I had a tear slide down my cheek.  I quickly wiped it a way.  Strong UPS maams don't cry!  So many thoughts and feelings.  I AM strong!  How could I have lived for so long with that much weight and more on my body?   How good did it feel to put it down and know that I didn't have to carry that with me any longer?  How far have I come.....so far!  When I got back in the truck, the driver tells me that he has seen grown men not be able to lift and carry that much.  I was pretty proud, and at that moment, all the hard work made sense.  No my physical body doesn't look the way I want it to, not yet.  But I am well on my way. 
I am strong. 
I can do hard things. 
I can help provide for my family.
God is by my side. 
We will be ok.

If you find that right now you are not where you want to be, keep going.  The day will come that you can look back and see how far you have come.  For a moment, it was not about how far I had left to go.  Keep going, a little every day.  I know you can!