Hey, sorry I've haven't been around. But here I am again.
Maybe it's because it's November and I have gratitude on my mind.
Maybe it's because I have been discovering that I have a lot of things I need to let go of.
Maybe it's because someone very influential to me said, "You have a lot of people looking at you and you have the power to influence many."
Maybe it's just that time of the month.......
What ever the reason, here I am pouring out my heart and soul in a very public format, in hopes that I can convey an important message that will touch and inspire you........ Maybe I just need to hear these things myself and you all just happen to have access to my public diary. Either way, I've has some things on my mind and I hope you can bear with me.
I have had so many people tell me that I am an inspiration to them.
This makes me laugh.
I wonder why anyone would look up to me. While I acknowledge that I have worked hard to lose a bit of weight, currently, I am still considered to be obese. I still have a long way to go to get to where I want to be. Certainly, that is nothing to be impressed with or inspired by.
It has been my belief that there is a "number" I have to get to before I will be happy.
It has been my belief that I have to be a certain size, before I will be happy.
It has been my belief that every flaw I see in the mirror has to disappear before I will love my body.
I stand at the back of fitness classes and compare my worst self to the perfect features of everyone else in the room.
Logically, I know these statements are ridiculous. Emotionally, I hold on to them for dear life, afraid that if I let go, I become vulnerable. So what is one to do?
I've been pondering this for a while. I want to be happy, and I want to be accepting of my body, but where do you begin?
For me, I have decided that in honor of November, the month of gratitude, each day I will tell myself something I am grateful for about my body.
Some of my thought include:
Although I have unsightly stretch marks on my tummy, and an issue of sagging skin, I am grateful that I was able to have 4 healthy full term babies. When I see the stretch marks, I am not going to be angry or hate them, I am going to thank my body for allowing the miracle of life to grow within me 4 times.
I am going to focus on my new merging muscles as opposed to the fat hiding them. Recently, I was laying in bed and I could feel hip bones and what's this? Obliques. I have also discovered that I have much more muscle mass than I ever have. It is unfortunate that you all can't enjoy it yet, due to fat hiding it, but it gives me a direct goal to get rid of that, and for that reason, I continue to be a work in progress. I am grateful for my strength.
So what do you think? Can you change your perspective? Can you give yourself permission to compliment you? I challenge each one of you to let go of the flaws and nit picky-ness and embrace your strength. And feel free to comment here and share with everyone what you are grateful for. What do you think?
